I used to be a dedicated friend and daughter. I would listen to my friends talk for hours about their drama, I would dutifully go to family functions, I would have dinner with my mom and step-dad every couple weeks, I would do thoughtful things for friends on their birthdays, and I would obviously remember to show up to places when I was invited.

But then I had kids. And as the man says…

Child #1 was a huge adjustment for me as well as everyone else around me. My parents were lucky if I called them, my friends forgot my name, and my dog never knew if I would feed her. I sucked at having a kid and doing life at the same time. But as child #1 got older and actually slept in past 5am, I started to see the light (if I squinted reeeaaaaally hard) and I renewed my relationship with the real world again. I was back! What a relief. And then I wasn’t. Because I was pregnant again.

Child #2 started out as a handful so I didn’t need to apologize for falling off the face of the earth this time. #2 was born premature, in the NICU for 2 months, and when she finally came home, she was colicky. So, you know… I was basically having too much fun to remember things like the fact that we had tickets to see a show with someone. Until the babysitter showed up to remind me.

But now that my kids are both older and more self-sufficient, I can focus more of my energy back onto my family and friends and away from my kids a bit. Now, if somebody’s birthday is coming up I’m going to make damn sure they get a one-of-a-kind, hand-made item from me. Well, from Etsy from me. And if someone invites us over for dinner, I’m going to microwave the best dessert in a mug anyone has ever had the pleasure of tasting.

Of course there are still times when my life gets overwhelming and I forget birthdays or forget to show up at people’s houses when they’ve invited us to dinner. This is just the new reality though. All those nice brain cells I once had which were dedicated to remembering shit? Yeah, those were completely obliterated when I had kids. So everyone I know is going to have to live with sorrynotsorry. Because that is life.